Wolverine and the X-Men (1st series) #6

Issue Date: 
April 2012
Story Title: 
Mutatis Mutandis – Part two: Always Bet on X!

Jason Aaron (writer), Nick Bradshaw (penciler), Walden Wong, Jay Leisten, Norman Lee & Cam Smith (inkers), Justin Ponsor & Matthew Wilson (colors), Rob Steen (letterer), Nick Bradshaw & Morry Hollowell (cover), Irene Y. Lee (production), Jordan D. White (assistant editor), Daniel Ketchum (associate editor), Nick Lowe (editor), Axel Alonso (editor-in-chief), Joe Quesada (chief creative officer), Dan Buckley (publisher), Alan Fine (Exec. Publisher)

Brief Description: 

In Kitty Pryde’s body, her miniaturized friends are trying to save her from the Brood infection and locate Kid Gladiator. Things aren’t made easier by the fact that the school is under attack by a mysterious alien and his pet Brood, both of which have killed the SWORD agents. Kitty, who apart from Broo is the only one outside quarantine, kills the Brood guards but learns that their alien boss infected her and she is only a diversion. It is Broo he wants to kill. He hits Kitty, causing her to lose consciousness and turns to Broo. In Kitty’s body, Kid Gladiator has also been infected by the Brood. In the meantime on Planet Sin, Wolverine and Kid Omega win a lot of money gambling by using Quentin’s telepathy but casino security is on to them and predictably a fight starts.

Full Summary: 

Dressed in formal wear, Wolverine is landing the space shuttle. Is he suited up? he asks Quentin Quire, who complains that this is cruel and unusual punishment. Fine, if they leave now, he can get Quentin back to school just in time for Professor Rogue’s gym class. Okay, now he is being cruel, Quentin admits.

While Wolverine fixes Quentin’s bow tie, the boy asks what their cover is. Estranged father and son on a male bonding trip fraught with wacky hijinks? Young incognito rock star and his mentally unbalanced war vet body guard? Two guys from different worlds who just found out they are brothers? Kid who won’t shut the hell up and angry guys with claws who will cut out his tongue if he doesn’t pay attention, is the reply.

He orders Quentin to follow his lead. Logan’s the hand, Quentin’s the brains. Well, it’s about time he acknowledged that, Quentin agrees. Logan tells him to count the cards. Logan will place the bets. They leave when he says, no questions asked. It’s all rather illegal, isn’t it? Quentin asks. More just seriously frowned upon, is the diplomatic answer. Good, then, doesn’t sound at all vaguely dangerous.

They exit the shuttle. If he says “run,” he runs, get him? Bah! Quentin scoffs. Running is for horses and Homo sapiens! Kid Omega has come to gamble! he announces to Planet Sin.

Logan orders him to establish and keep up a telepathic link between them. Telepathically, Quentin informs him his mind smells like beer farts. Logan reminds him he considers himself the smartest mutant in the world. Several thousand brilliant thoughts a second, but what has he ever accomplished? One measly little riot and a single international incident. Logan’s done worse than that by the time he was twelve. Does he want to show how smart he is, then help him beat the odds.

He leads them into the Plandanian Nugget, one of the largest casinos in the known universe. Enough money comes through this place in a single day to buy planets. And they just need enough to pay for one measly little school. Oh, he knows! Quentin decides. The genius kid and the grizzled old hood work together to pull off the greatest con in history! What could possibly go wrong?

Meanwhile somewhere inside Kitty Pryde’s circulatory system, a shrunken Iceman, Lockheed, Beast, Rachel Grey and Warbird battle thousands of tiny Brood. This has certainly gone horribly wrong! Iceman summarizes the situation.

To make matters worse, Kid Gladiator is also somewhere within Kitty’s body. Warbird announces she’ll go find him alone if she has to. Prince Kubark is her responsibility and she will not fail in her duty to the Shi’ar royal family. Beast decides they keep on until they find the boy. He asks Rachel how Kitty is doing. Kitty telepathically asks Rachel she keeps burping smoke. Tell Lockheed to go easy on the fire!

Beast informs her that a team of SWORD paramedics is currently en route to school; they should be there any moment. They are going to fix this! How does she feel? Not bad, she replies, except for an awful case of heartburn.

In Kitty’s body:
Kid Gladiator, referring to himself as “lord of the heart,” stands on her heart, defending it from the Brood.

Beast asks Kitty to stay immobile until they’ve retrieved the boy and headed for the extraction point. Kitty asks him not to refer to any part of her body as “extraction point.” Beast repeats that help is on the way.

Actually, outside the school, the SWORD team is being slaughtered by the mysterious alien and his pet brood. Enough treats! He orders his Brood to go.

Krakoa looks up annoyed, then attacks him. Two Brood enter the Danger Room, causing the defenses to activate. They analyze the defenses and report to their master, who is keeping Krakoa busy. He orders them to find the target.

In the infirmary, a confused Broo announces they are close. He ignores Kitty. There are Brood loose in the school. She tells him he is supposed to be in quarantine. They are very close, he replies. He hears them calling. Closer than he thinks, Kitty remarks and points at her stomach. He puts his ear on her stomach. He agrees there are Brood inside her, but these are not the Brood he is talking about.

In the meantime, a Brood peering in from an airshaft has found them.

Inside Kitty’s body, they have found a very happy Kid Gladiator, who (despite the 1000 demerits Beast threatens him with) announces this has been the greatest day of his life.

Kitty scrambles as the Brood attack. She moves suddenly and Kid Gladiator falls away. The X-Men are attacked by more Brood. Rachel asks Kitty what’s going on. She’s supposed to take it easy! Tell them that! Kitty shouts as she tries to run with Broo from the Brood hunters.

In the meantime, the mysterious alien has taken apart the Danger Room and orders the Brood not to lose them. The state of the entire universe is in their hands.

On Planet Sin, Wolverine keeps winning, making the others suspicious. Should he play another hand? he telepathically asks Quentin, who warns him the count is not in his favor and the dealer is getting suspicious. Best change tables. Logan complies as Quentin suggests table Voo-Thurk or Zoo-eleventy. Logan asks where Quentin is. He’s supposed to be next to Logan. He wants to win money to keep the school open, right? Quentin asks. He’s just doing his part to support education. He wins at another table and enjoys the attention of two buxom ladies whom he is trying to influence to make out with him.

However, casino security notices something is wrong about him and the other human. They decide to bring in the Worm. Logan senses something wrong and suggests they pull out.

At the Jean Grey School’s east wing, the icecastle part or Iceman’s office - Kitty figures they have lost the Brood. Broo figures she shouldn’t be running. She agrees and asks the computer to protect Broo. A forcefield holds him fast while she intends to take care of the sleazoids. She apologizes for the term – force of habit.

From the quarantine, Husk calls her. Kitty asks if the kids are safe. Husk replies that, according to the computer, there are intruders which she and Doop are gonna check out. Kitty forbids it and orders the computer to keep everyone in lockdown. She’s handling this! Somehow, she figures exhausted.

Telepathically, she warns Rachel that it’s going to get rough. Rachel asks her to stop. Beast warns that Kitty musn’t use her phasing power. Her body is teeming with invaders right now, them included. There is no telling what would happen. He asks her to go somewhere safe.

The Brood is about to attack Kitty, who asks the computer for a gun and gets it. She smiles and shoots through the Brood’s head. Next! She orders the computer to scan the place. Are there any more Brood in the school which shouldn’t be there. The answer is negative.

Kitty telepathically informs Beast and asks him to hurry up and remove the Brood from her innards please.

Inside Kitty, Warbird has found Kid Gladiator beset by Brood. The X-Men lose their balance as Kitty moves violently again. Is she salsa dancing? Iceman protests.

The huge alien has grabbed Kitty and pushes her against the wall, displeased at the loss of his Brood. Does she know how difficult those things are to housetrain? Don’t worry! she retorts. She’s got plenty to go around. Ah, she got the little present he sent her. “You hear that kids?” Kitty deadpans. “Daddy’s home.” Better tell her who he is, so she knows who she can name them after.

She wouldn’t believe him if he told her. He’d be surprised at what she can believe, she retorts. Why is he trying to kill her? The alien drops Kitty and hits her until she is unconscious. Whoever said he was here for her?

On Planet Sin, Quentin assures two alien beauties that, where he comes from, it’s definitely cool to have pink hair. Time to go! Logan orders. Quentin sneers that his bag of money is bigger than Logan’s, who repeats his order. Don’t worry, Quentin adds. He’s sure one of these ladies has an older sister or perhaps an elderly aunt they can set him up with. Logan drags Quentin by the ear, remarking that Quentin wouldn’t have known what to do with the ladies anyway.

Security notes that the telepathy-sniffing Tandoran thought-worm they paid two million gold goolongs for appears to have soiled itself and died. Either they got a bad worm, his colleague agrees, or a couple of very bad customers. They inform the bouncers. Humans! one of them sighs, whenever they have trouble here, it’s either a human or a Badoon. Never fails. Dude, don’t be racist, his partner tells him. “You’re better than that.” They get in the way of Logan and Quentin.

On Earth, Rachel tries to reach the unconscious Kitty telepathically and fails.

Broo shouts that he needs a restroom as the alien closes in.

On Planet Sin, Logan telepathically orders Quentin to brain-zap as many guards as he can, grab the money and run! He’s been trying to do exactly that, but their brains are shielded. Hitting one of them, Wolverine remarks that it’s good their faces aren’t.

You!! the alien exclaims as he sees Broo.” Time to die, you wretched little beast!”

And in Kitty’s body, the X-Men find that Kid Gladiator has become part Brood. And so the battles are on…

Characters Involved: 

Beast, Husk, Iceman, Kitty Pryde, Rachel Grey, Wolverine (all X-Men and faculty members)
Broo, Kid Gladiator, Kid Omega (all students)
Krakoa II
Professor Xanto Starblood (Unnamed)
Miniaturized Brood
Agents of SWORD
Casino personnel and guests on Planet Sin

Story Notes: 

Riot at Xavier’s occurred in New X-Men (1st series) #134-137.

The “international incident” refers to Quentin’s role in X-Men: Schism #1-2.

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