Deadpool is in a roadside motel room, watching TV. A news report comes on and describes how a little town is in shock after the home of a local business owner erupted in a huge explosion. Deadpool recognizes the man’s name, Reginald Harris, but he can’t remember where from. He watches from his bed as the news report continues and says that Harris’s wife and daughter were also believed to be at home when the explosion occurred. Deadpool sympathizes with the tragedy as the report explains how Harris’s was the CEO of a company that was the rising star in military technology and weapons. Deadpool continues to try and remember how he knew the man. He guesses that he might have bought weapons from him until it suddenly dawns on him that he accepted a job from him.
The news report suddenly says that the prime suspect is Deadpool and it shows video footage from earlier in the day depicting Deadpool leaving the man’s house. The report says that the time stamp on the video shows Deadpool jumping over the security fence at 03:12 am. He was carrying a large sack of explosives that were later used to blow up Harris’ house. Deadpool sits upright in bed, with junk food all around him, startled that he is somehow involved in the incident.
The door to the room opens and a shadow spreads across the bed. The figure tells Deadpool he played him out of one hell of a payday and that it should have been him who punched Harris’ ticket. So now Deadpool owes Macho Gomez a lot of money. Deadpool asks who Macho Gomez is and the man poses in the door and tells him to take a guess. Macho Gomez stands before him wearing a Mexican-style waistcoat and a sombrero, with a clear helmet covering his head. He is green-skinned and overweight and his stomach has a huge belly-button in it.
Deadpool wipes away the food from his mouth and tells Macho Gomez that he must be new in town. He starts to explain some important details but Gomez cuts him off. Gomez tells Deadpool he has heard of him but he isn’t impressed. Deadpool may be hot-stuff on his little turd-ball of a planet but where he comes from he ain’t %#&*. Gomez tells Deadpool to give him every bit of loot he can get his five-fingered hands on before he takes what he’s owed out his ass. Deadpool glares at him for a few seconds and then caves and says he will do that right away and then excuses himself for a few seconds.
Deadpool whistles as he walks over to a cupboard, but as he goes to open the doors Gomez points an alien-looking gun at the back of his head. He tells Deadpool not to do anything stupid but Deadpool opens the door and shows him a bag of gold coins. Gomez goes to grab it as Deadpool adds that there is a dusty old claymore mine at the bottom of it. The motel room explodes and Gomez is blasted out through the door. Deadpool swaggers to the hole in the wall where the door used to be. He poses and tells Gomez that where he is from he is %#&*.
One of Deadpool’s inner voices tells him it wasn’t quite the burn he thought it was. But Deadpool isn’t listening. Instead he is transfixed by Gomez’s spaceship, which the alien has landed on. The ship looks like a Cadillac car with a red cover on it and numerous weapons sticking through the hood. Deadpool comments that it’s a sweet ride and then turn and goes back in the room. His inner voices tell him to finish Gomez off but he says that he is doing the hero thing so he won’t be finishing anyone off. Plus he has more important stuff to do. One of the voices asks what is more important and he says that finding out who is trying to frame him is. The voice says that it could take a while but Deadpool tells it that it’s only a single issue story, so that are probably going to find out pretty quick.
Elsewhere, in a small wooden cabin in the woods, a little girl asks her daddy when they are going to go home. Her father replies that he doesn’t know but hopefully it will be soon. The man, Reggie, closes the door to his daughter’s room and looks sad. His wife calls him from the kitchen and says that it’s time they talked. He sits down at the table and slumps over. He asks her if she remembers when he was working on the project in New Mexico that he wasn’t able to tell her about. She asks if he means the one that was sabotaged and he replies yes. The reason he couldn’t tell her about it was because it involved secret weapons technology. Alien technology.
He tells her it wasn’t really sabotaged but then changes his mind and says that it was… by him. She asks him why and he tells her she knows why… the money. She starts to ask how running a government project translates to… but he cuts her off. He says it would have taken them year to develop anything that could be used on Earth. But in the private sector with all the overseeing committees…? His wife stands up and puts her head in her hands. Reginald stands up too and shouts at her and asks why she thought the stock of the company went up so fast. It was because they were literally light-years ahead of the competition and the government. They knew it was him but they never did anything about it as they wanted it developed as quickly as he did. His wife asks if he stole it but a voice comes from behind her and says that he did.
She turns to see Deadpool standing in the kitchen doorway. He tells the woman he stole it because her husband paid him to. Reginald sits back down and asks how he figured it out. Deadpool tells him it was the videotape. He remembers going to his house two years ago and giving him a bag full of alien weapons. Deadpool says it obviously worked out for a while. Reginald says the bastards in the Pentagon sold him out. The tech was on loan from an extra-terrestrial guerilla force that we had agreed to supply next-gen arms to in return for unlimited mineral rights. When they found out the government had lost it they were not happy.
Deadpool guesses that his new friends had put the finger on Reginald. He confirms this and then Deadpool guesses that Reginald then put the finger on him. Reginald says he had to disappear and he had the old footage of Deadpool climbing over his security fence. It all made sense. He apologizes but Deadpool tales out a pistol and points it at Reginald’s forehead. Suddenly, Reginald’s daughter throws herself at her dad and screams for Deadpool not to shoot him.
Deadpool stares for a few seconds and then pulls the gun away. He turns to walk away and Reginald say he will pay him or do whatever he wants. Deadpool says he is not interested in his hush money; he just wants him to stay dead. Reginald says that it isn’t hush money; he wants to hire him again to kill Macho Gomez. Deadpool stops and turns to him. He says that usually he is the dumb one in the conversation. He tells Reginald that they will just send someone else after him instead. Reginald tells him they won’t as Macho Gomez is the baddest, most feared operator in the galaxy. If Deadpool takes him down, then no-one else will think about going after him or his family again. Deadpool asks if they are talking about the guy in the hat and Reginald says he is. Deadpool seems a little surprised and asks if he is considered the best. Reginald confirms this and Deadpool says he hates to break it to him but that guy is a clown.
Unbeknownst to him Macho Gomez has also tracked the family down and he looms out of the shadows behind Deadpool. He arms his gun and asks why Deadpool isn’t laughing. He opens fire and tells Deadpool he led him right to them. Deadpool dodges the bullets and leaps towards the cowering family. As he acts as a human shield to them, his inner voices comment on how heroic yet painful it is. As he is being peppered with bullets, Deadpool tells Reginald he accepts his offer. His inner voices can hardly believe they are back in business.
Deadpool tells Reginald he can keep his money as this one is on the house. He turns and fires back at Gomez, who promptly ducks out of the door. Deadpool tells Reginald to take his family down to the bunker. Reginald asks how he knows about the bunker and Deadpool replies that he cased the place the night before whilst they were sleeping. Reginald seems shocked and asks Deadpool if he knows about the… Deadpool says he does before the man can finish speaking. He goes to the doorway and tells Reginald that he hopes Gomez doesn’t.
He hears another door in the house slam shut and so he makes his way through the darkness. He can’t find him anywhere and his voices suggest that maybe he left. Deadpool asks why he would leave but he is soon shown the answer. Gomez has gone back outside to get himself a bigger gun. The gun in question is a mini-gun mounted to his car. Deadpool runs away as Gomez opens fire and destroys everything in his path. He dives into the forest, getting shot in the shoulder on the way.
Gomez stops firing and views the carnage. Numerous trees over been blasted down but there is no sign of Deadpool. He walks towards the forest and shout out. He says that Deadpool needs to realize that the Harris family will die and he will be the one to kill them. There isn’t a thing Deadpool can do because, even with his funny costume and pea-shooter guns, he is still just a human. Gomez spots Deadpool’s arm sticking out from behind a tree. He pulls out another gun and walks towards it. What he doesn’t realize is that Deadpool has cut off his damaged arm and has propped it against a tree, holding it in place with a katana. Deadpool jumps out from behind Gomez and tells his he stopped being human a long time ago. He pushes himself into Gomez, causing the alien to drop is weapon as he slams into a tree. Deadpool then backflips, grabs the gun and points it towards Gomez.
But Gomez has disappeared. Instead, there are three bright green sacks lying next to a tree. Deadpool stares at them for a few seconds and they start to spurt out energy. He suddenly realizes that they are an alien-version of a pineapple grenade but is unable to move before they blow up.
Inside his bunker, Reginald and his family are watching the scene unfold on a series of monitors. Seeing the huge explosion, they decide that it is time to leave. They turn and look at an escape pod within the bunker. His wife asks where it goes and he replies that the pod is programmed to dock with one of his company’s surveillance satellites. They outfitted a few with survival chambers because given the stuff they make the Earth would be the last place they would want to be if something went wrong.
Outside, Macho Gomez has found the bunker door and he blows it open with a gun. He steps in the bunker to hear an automated voice doing a launch countdown. He finds the escape pod and goes over to it. As the computer counts down, he opens the pod door but finds it empty. A voice comes from behind him and thanks him. It’s Deadpool, and he kicks Gomez in the back, forcing the alien to fall into the pod. He slams the door shut on him as the countdown ends and the pod launches. On the console of the security feeds in the bunkers, Deadpool had left a post-it note that said “When it looks like I’m done for, initiate launch but don’t get in, trust me. DP.” From behind some garbage cans, the Harris family peeks out and see the pod launch.
As he leaves the house, Deadpool spots a weird alien gun that appears to be alive. He picks it up and meets up with the family. He looks at the family and tells them he recognizes the look they are giving him. It’s the “I can’t believe he did it” look. It’s not like the “oh my God he is so unbelievably good” look; it’s more like the “How did that idiot pull it off?” look. Deadpool says that the people who never gave him that look were the ones paying him. They didn’t care how it got done as long as it got done. And Deadpool always gets it done. One of his inner voices asks if they are done being a hero and Deadpool replies they are. The other asks if they are going back to being a merc and Deadpool says he is but before that he has to repair his rep.
As the escape pod launches into the air Deadpool comments that they say that guy is the best. He then fires the alien gun into the air and hits the escape pod, blowing it to bits. With his severed arm strapped to his back, Deadpool says he beat his silly-ass with one arm tied behind his back. This time everybody recognized the skills, on this planet and every other. The merc with a mouth is back and he is putting everyone on notice.
Deadpool gets into Macho Gomez’s spacecar and flies it into orbit.
