Fourth Story:
England’s premiere super hero, Brian Braddock a.k.a. the dashing and debonair Captain Britain slowly comes into consciousness. ‘Air! At last!’ he exclaims as he head pokes up from a the sea. He wonders where he is, what water this is, but as he spit’s a mouthful out he exclaims that it is alcohol. ‘What kind of mad joke is this?’ he asks, before flying out of the water and taking to the air he thinks to himself that mad is right, for he has already fought this demon, but is prepared to do it again if needs be. Brian boasts that he is going to get to the bottom of this, that is if he can find anything, for there is nothing as far as the eye can see!
After flying for sometime, Brian comes to an island, and hopes that he can uncover something here, some sort of clue. Descending on a beach, Brian doesn’t believe it, there are bottles lying all over the beach. He remarks that this entire scenario looks like it was panned by a real joker, someone who has a grudge against Excalibur, the super group he is leader of, and this someone must know a lot about him.
Flying into the forest, Brian thinks that he knows who he is up against, and is ready to find him. Brian starts to travel by foot, as he cannot see anything from the air as the forest is too dense, adding that if he doesn’t find anything else at least he will have food. Suddenly, Captain Britain is attacked by…Captain Britain and…Captain Britain! Brian is walloped through the forest by two people, or two of something wearing his earlier costumes.
Brian thinks to himself that this cannot be happening, as those are his old costumes, what is going on? He wonders if it is the alcohol, that has to be is, he is hallucinating. But no, he feels that this is real enough. Brian smashes one of his other “selves” away before turning to the other, wondering if it is actually himself that he just pummelled.
One of his other “selves” comes up behind him and exclaims that he didn’t make a very wise move, as they are every bit his equals, his superiors in fact, from a time before he was tainted! ‘Besides, there are two of us, only one of you! You don’t stand a chance!’ the earlier version exclaims as Brian is held down by the other.
Meanwhile, Brian’s teammate the mutant Kitty Pryde a.k.a. Shadowcat phases into a room, ’Okay, bad guys, here I come!’ she shouts, before telling herself that she smells a rat, as this seems so familiar, the room she has entered is some sort of control center. Kitty gulps as she realizes it is a very sophisticated control center, and hopes that she can figure it out. The young mutant concentrates on remaining solid, and prays that her actions will help Excalibur. She starts snapping some wires, before phasing into the next room, deciding to check out the effects of what she has done.
Brian frees himself from his other “selves” declaring that he has learned from their failures, ‘You are no match for me!’ he boasts, when suddenly a CRAK comes from his attackers and they fall to the ground. Brian also falls to the ground, and looks up ‘Huh? What’s this?’ he asks, as a leggy young blonde woman carrying a rifle stands before him. Brian wonders where in the world this road came from, not to mention the girl….
The girl, with a heavy accent, exclaims that it was her who came to Brian’s rescue, and introduces herself as Nellie Day, before leaping into Brian’s arms and kissing him, ‘Aren’t you a handsome one! And so strong!’ she tells Brian that he is her kind of man! Suddenly, bullets doge past Brian and Nellie Day, with Brian shouting ‘Don’t! Stop!’ A seriously old woman holding a rifle remarks that Nellie Day will stop, unless Brian wants to deal with her. ‘Nanny!’ exclaims Nellie Day, but Granny just mutters that she never thought she would live to see anything so crude.
Nanny exclaims that this could send her running for the hills, except that she is a mite hungry, and Blueberry is just over yonder. Nellie Day starts to protest, ‘Don’t “but” me’ Granny tells her. Nearby, in a graveyard which includes a headstone belonging to Gwen Stacy, a handsome man and an elderly man are carrying one of the shot Captain Britain’s, and while the handsome man keeps an eye on the real Brian, the elderly man remarks that there is a plenty of wealth up in the towns, at least that is what cousin Dandy says.
Packed into a small truck, loaded high with the family’s belongings, Nanny exclaims that Heb and Heathrow are ready to call it quits, while Brian scratches his head realizing none of this was here before. Nanny sits high up on the truck and asks Captain Britain if he wants to join them. Brian politely replies that he does, while thinking to himself that he may as well go along for the ride, as it is the closest thing he has got to a lead. Nellie Day hugs Brian and tells him that he will always have a place in this family. ‘Just what I had in mind!’ Brian replies, while thinking otherwise to himself.
Further along, the family comes to a fork in the road. Nellie Day calls Brian “Muscles” and tells him that he is a welcome addition, as Heathrow exclaims ‘Too welcome!’, before pointing out which way in the road they are going to head, and declaring that their guest has to be going now, and smashes Brian off the truck and onto the road.
‘Sheesh! Wasn’t expecting that!’ exclaims Brian as he mutters that he was just trying to mind his own business. Brian boasts that if Heathrow thinks he can get away with that he has another thing coming, when suddenly the Blueberry Hillbillies are gone, and there is no longer a fork in the road! Brian doesn’t know where they went but supposes that he heads for Blueberry on his own, when suddenly, yellow bricks pave the road he walks on. Brian tells himself that he thought he was losing his mind, but now he is sure of it! He looks at a Scarecrow, who has its arms outstretched pointing in both directions and exclaims ‘Go that way!’
Shortly, Captain Britain arrives at what he assumes to be Blueberry, and is approached by a drunken stranger, asking him who he is. Brian introduces himself and asks the drunken man who he is, while thinking to himself that he thought he had drunk a lot himself, before telling the man that he needs some answers. In between hiccups, the drunk man remarks that it is difficult to recall, and exclaims that his name is Onus, and tells Captain Britain that it is good to see him, as everyone is friend in Blueberry.
Brian asks where this place is and who is in control, to which Onus asks if he means Sheriff Gaylor, before offering to tell Brian a story. ‘No! I want answers!’ declares Brian, to which Onus suggests to Brian that if he is going to be a problem then he heads downstairs, and points to a bar, explaining that they will be more use to him, and just about as friendly, as everybody will wanna know his name.
Brian enters the downstairs bar and a curly-haired waitress greets him, asking Brian what she can get him, before remarking that she didn’t ask him what he can get her, as five kids at home are enough. ‘Perrier’ replies Brian, which causes the waitress to ask in astonishment ‘What? All those muscles and you want a wuss drink?’ The waitress turns to two fat men sitting at the bar and suggests that they might want to reconsider hanging around this joint, ‘Get a look at our new clientele!’
A man addressed as Biffy exclaims that the waitress, Snarla, is right, that it looks like there is some sort of wimp here in Sneers. ‘You know it’ exclaims the man called Roach. Sitting at his own table, Captain Britain has his drink delivered by a lanky man who tells Brian not to pay the others any attention, or not to pay them at all, he should know, as he owns this place. He introduces himself as Scam and adds that Perrier is just fine with him. Brian thanks Scam, who asks Brian if he wants some company, adding that he thinks he knows what he is going through. Brian thanks Scam, but replies that he would just like to sit here, alone.
If indeed Brian was even there, for he is really somewhere else, strapped to a chair, with a device over his head, and the Loonies surrounding him.
